Taking Your Teen’s Mental Health Seriously Strengthens Your Connection
“Even if your teen’s moods or worries do pass, they will remember whether you took them seriously or not.”
“Joining your teen in their treatment doesn’t look like trying to control the process. It means showing up as a partner in their healing.”
Teens live in a landscape that can feel like a foreign country to parents. They speak in TikTok soundbites, use emojis in ways that feel like a made-up language, and have group chats, memes, or gaming worlds that shape their moods and friendships, of which parents are effectively oblivious. Teens care about celebrities, influences, Twitch streamers, and YouTubers whose names you may not even know. It’s so hard to feel disconnected from your teen. On the outside, you see mood swings, silence, or eye rolls. On the inside, you know there’s a whole world they’re not sharing with you.
It’s no secret that rates of anxiety, depression, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts among teens have risen dramatically over the past decade. The pressures facing today’s adolescents are intense: nonstop social media usage, academic demands, global crises, and not to mention a global pandemic during their formative years.
It’s easy to focus on what you see: irritability, slammed doors, or your teen spending hours staring at screens. But behavior is just the surface. Underneath, your teen may be carrying stress from school, pressure from social dynamics, anxiety about the future, or even sadness and grief they don’t have words for. The most important piece of advice I give to parents of teens is recognize that their emotions are real and valid whether or not you fully understand the context. When you pause to see past the behavior and consider the feelings driving it, you send the message: I care about what’s happening inside you, not just how you act on the outside. By approaching your child in this way you are honoring that connection Is built on curiosity, not control.
Here’s some good news: the conversation around mental health has drastically changed over the last two to three decades, especially among our current youth. What used to be whispered about or hidden is now discussed openly in schools, media, and families. Celebrities, athletes, and influencers are speaking up about their own struggles, helping teens see that they are not alone and that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
It’s true that adolescence is full of transitions. There are hormonal changes, identity explorations, and social upheaval. And although it might make your experience of all their distress easier by telling yourself “this too shall pass”, dismissing your child’s pain can unintentionally create emotional distance between you. Over time, the message that this is just a blip on the map for them (while potentially true) can discourage them from opening up, making them feel more isolated in their very real and very big feelings.
Even if your teen’s moods or worries do pass, they will remember whether you took them seriously or not.
Moments of validation (i.e. pausing to listen, reflecting back what you hear, or simply saying “it makes sense that you feel that way”) can mean the difference between a teen who feels safe turning to you and a teen who doesn’t. Validation doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they say or treating every problem like a crisis. It means acknowledging their experience as real, important, and worthy of care. By doing this, you’re teaching your child that their inner world matters. This foundation of respect and safety is what helps them develop resilience and a stronger sense of self as they grow.
When a teen begins therapy or other forms of mental health support, it can feel like another separate world that you’re not part of. And yes, confidentiality and privacy are important here, but your role as a parent is still central. In fact, when parents are engaged in their teen’s mental health treatment, outcomes are often stronger and more sustainable. Because your relationship matters. Neither you nor your teen lives in a vacuum.
Joining your teen in their treatment doesn’t look like trying to control the process. It means showing up as a partner in their healing. When you do this you:
Normalize the process. Share that therapy or support isn’t something to be ashamed of, it’s a healthy, proactive choice, like going to the doctor.
Collaborate with providers. Many therapists welcome parent check-ins, family sessions, or parent-only consultations to help you better understand what your teen is working through and how you can support them at home. Be open to feedback and really listen to your child’s insights.
Practice skills together. If your teen learns coping tools in therapy (like grounding exercises, breathing techniques, or communication strategies) you can learn about them and use them as a family. Not only does this reinforce the tools, it also shows your teen you’re willing to grow alongside them.
Model openness. Teens notice when parents are willing to acknowledge their own stress, mistakes, or growth areas. Modeling self-compassion and vulnerability helps them feel safer in their own process. And being open to their feedback about how you impact them can be life changing for both of you.
By walking alongside your teen rather than leaving them to figure it out on their own while you wish for them to change, you communicate a powerful message: we’re in this together. That sense of partnership can transform treatment from something scary or isolating into a family journey toward deeper connection.
You Deserve Healthy Relationships Once And For All