What the movie, ‘The Invite’ Says About Relationship Dysfunction and Lost Intimacy
Spoiler alert: This article discusses major themes and plot points from The Invite.
We watched the highly anticipated movie, The Invite. And we have thoughts! Of course we do!
The synopsis: Angela and Joe are married. They have a child, a home, and years of shared history. But inside the marriage, something has gone quiet. The movie explores what can happen when partners spend so much energy maintaining their shared life that they lose contact with their own interests, pleasure, sexuality, curiosity, and emotional needs.
Angela and Joe spend an evening with their upstairs neighbors, Pína and Hawk, a couple whose approach to relationships, sexuality, pleasure, and personal freedom feels very different from their own. The evening becomes increasingly revealing as Angela and Joe's dissatisfaction with each other begins to surface.
The movie uses sex and relationship experimentation as part of its story, yet the deeper subject is intimacy. Angela and Joe have become disconnected from parts of themselves, and that disconnection has found its way into their marriage.
These themes make The Invite an interesting film to consider through the lens of relationship therapy. Its story raises questions about emotional disconnection, sexual intimacy, resentment, individual identity, and the ways couples can lose sight of each other over time.
How resentment develops
The Invite begins with an interaction between Angela and Joe that depicts a deeply familiar and overtly resentful dynamic. They barely greet each other, yet proceed to bicker and insult each other for the first few moments of Joe’s arrival home to their shared apartment. The scene gives the audience a glimpse into a deeply entrenched pattern of resentment that has been developing for years, long before the unraveling we witness throughout the film begins.
Resentment rarely appears all at once. It can grow through dozens of small moments. Someone feels disrespected or unseen. Their partner doesn't seem to notice. They become frustrated. They decide the partner should have noticed without being told.
The partner may have a completely different understanding of what is happening. This is where communication becomes essential.
Your partner cannot reliably know what you need from subtle changes in your behavior. You cannot reliably know what your partner is thinking based on their silence.
Couples need conversations that include vulnerability.
"I miss you."
"I feel disconnected from you."
"I want us to have more fun."
"I don't know what I want sexually anymore."
"I miss the person I used to be."
"I want to find parts of myself again."
Those conversations can feel vulnerable because they reveal needs. They also create opportunities for a partner to respond.
What The Invite says about sexual desire
When someone feels disconnected from their own pleasure, it can become difficult to communicate what they want sexually. When partners rarely talk about sex, assumptions begin filling the gaps. One person may assume their partner isn't interested. The other may feel unwanted. Someone may stop initiating because rejection has become painful. Someone else may stop responding because sex has started to feel like another obligation.
Over time, both partners can become increasingly uncertain about what the other person wants.
The Invite places sexual desire directly in the center of Angela's experience. Her fascination with Pína's openness around sexuality exposes something she has been missing in her own life.
That missing piece is connected to sex, but it also involves permission to experience pleasure. And Joe appears utterly pleasureless.
Pleasure deserves a place in adult life
Many adults organize their lives around responsibility, and pleasure gets scheduled around everything else. That can create a life that functions well while feeling emotionally flat as a full human.
Pleasure can take many forms. You might love going to concerts, reading, exercising, traveling, cooking, making art, spending time with friends, exploring a new place, or taking yourself out on dates.
Sexual pleasure belongs in this conversation too.
Adults need opportunities to experience desire and enjoyment. Those experiences can help people reconnect with their bodies and preferences. They can also give couples something important to talk about…and to do with each other.
What feels good?
What sounds interesting?
What have you been curious about?
What has changed?
What would you like more of?
Like, Angela and Joe, couples often wait until sexual dissatisfaction becomes severe before discussing these questions. Earlier conversations can create more room for honesty and connection.
The danger of making your family or relationship your entire identity
Relationships can become central to identity. You may think of yourself primarily as a spouse or parent. Your schedule may revolve around your family's needs. Your decisions may constantly involve what works for everyone else. Over time, your own preferences can become harder to identify.
This creates a problem for intimacy.
Desire requires some connection to your own internal experience. You need to know what you like before you can communicate it to someone else.
Individual identity gives couples something to discover about each other. Your partner may have a new interest. You may discover a new passion. Your sexuality may evolve. Your priorities may shift. You may become more adventurous in one area of life while becoming more grounded in another. Long-term intimacy requires space for those changes.
People grow through parenthood, career changes, friendships, loss, creativity, aging, sexuality, and personal exploration. A person can become very different from the person their partner first met. That creates an ongoing opportunity for conflict OR for curiosity.
You can ask your partner what they want now. You can learn about interests that weren't part of their life when you met. You can notice what makes them light up. And your partner gets to know you in the same way. This can bring energy into a relationship because it becomes an invitation to keep learning (see what we did there?).
Esther Perel, who consulted on The Invite, has written extensively about the tension between long-term attachment and erotic desire. Her work explores how couples can create intimacy while preserving a sense of individuality and personal freedom. That idea fits closely with what Angela experiences during the film. She encounters parts of herself that have been neglected. And she longs for Joe to notice those parts.
What couples can learn from Angela and Joe
When was the last time you asked your partner what they were excited about? When was the last time you asked yourself? What interests have disappeared from your life since you became a couple? What parts of your personality receive the least attention? How much of your time together involves responsibilities? How often do you experience each other as friends? How comfortable are you talking about sex? Do you know what your partner finds pleasurable? Does your partner know what you find pleasurable? What would make your life feel more interesting right now?
These questions can open conversations that go deeper than "How was your day?"
Couples can begin with small changes:
Protect time together that has nothing to do with household management.
Create space for each person to pursue individual interests.
Talk about sex outside of sexual situations so the conversation has room to breathe.
Ask your partner what they want more of from life.
Share something you have been curious about.
Make plans that give you something to anticipate.
Spend time together without your children when possible.
Spend time apart without guilt.
Pay attention to moments when you feel most connected to yourself. Then bring some of that aliveness back into the relationship.
Couples therapy can help when these conversations feel difficult to start. A therapist can help partners identify patterns of disconnection, talk about unmet needs, explore sexual concerns, and rebuild emotional intimacy.
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